New Template for this Puppy

I'm taking the advice of my good friend Patrick to change the look of my blog. He's been blogging a lot longer than me, so that's one of the reasons I listen to him. The other reason is that he'd knock my lights out if I didn't.

Who Let the Dogs Out?

Tonight I rode a succession of trains (the 2, 4 and 6) into Manhattan to meet the guy that's offering free rent in exhange for walking dogs (for 2 hours a day). Wow. I get off at the 116th St. stop and walk into the cold night-rain of Spanish Harlem. I walk down a few blocks past a bunch of boarded up shops and there it is. Ken meets me at the door and shows me in. I'm greeted by trio of woofers ready for love. I guess I got some real animal magnetism---WOOF! I don't know what to think right now, the place was a super-dump, but it's free. At one point when I checked out the kitchen, I came across a pair of chickens, real live free-range chickens, clucking away in the window sill, but the place is free. The wall to the room that would be mine is kinda imaginery, but there is no rent! Am I crazy? Can I do this? Oh, there was competion for this place, too, even with the punch-holes in the doors. There was a pleasant-looking girl there too. My luck, as it is, she mentioned that she works for a vet and has access to free dog-food. Everyone has their FloCabulary but me!!!

My Apartment-Hunting Ammunition

Haha! I just googled myself (we know we all do it!) and found this as the first result:

Area Bedroom Has That Weird Jeff Smell, Housemates Report | The ...

PHOENIX—The bedroom of Jeffrey Worthen has that weird sort of Jeff smell, housemates of the 22-year-old Rio Salado Community College art student reported ...
www.theonion.com/content/node/38856 - 21k - Cached - Similar pages


Hmmm? The old Onion article about how roommates thought I had this weird, but not bad, smell. (Here, I'm flying out of the future to edit this little blog. Point taken, that I should mention that two of my old roommates, Todd and Carol were actually writers for the Onion and were using me as their source material for this particular story.) Anyways, maybe I should use this fact as my FloCabulary when looking for rooms!!!

Here it is reprinted for your viewing pleasue (Dear Onion Publications, please don't sue me!):

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38856
Area Bedroom Has That Weird Jeff Smell, Housemates Report

December 16, 1998 | Issue 34•20

PHOENIX—The bedroom of Jeffrey Worthen has that weird sort of Jeff smell, housemates of the 22-year-old Rio Salado Community College art student reported Tuesday.

Jeffrey Worthen

"I don't know what it is, but the whole room always has that certain distinct Jeffish odor," housemate Evan Cadwaler said. "I can't put my finger on what the smell is exactly, but it definitely smells like Jeff."

Convening to discuss containment strategies for the mysterious Jeff-based vapors, Cadwaler and fellow housemates Eric Mayhew and Chad Beem agreed that the smell seems to be strongest at around 8:30 p.m.

"His room is right off the room where the TV is, and usually, like halfway through The X-Files, we're hit with like this wave of, well, I can't really describe it."

According to Mayhew, the housemates first noticed the Jeff smell this past May, when Worthen left the door to his bedroom, located right next to the living room, open while he was out of town for the weekend.

"While Jeff was away, I went into his room to look for a videotape that had that week's Space Ghost on it, and that's when I first noticed it," said Mayhew, a dishwasher at The Timbers Supper Club. "I can't really describe what it's like. It's not a terrible smell, actually, but it's definitely there. You can sort of smell it on Jeff himself, but if you go into his room it hits you the second you open the door."

Discussing the odor while sifting through a stack of CDs on Worthen's bedside table, Mayhew and Beem agreed that the smell is neither a foot smell nor a rotten-food smell, but could be something closer to maybe being like a musty sort of smell, almost.

Worthen's room.

The smell, which the housemates also agreed is not an old-person smell or even a sweaty-guy smell, has always been a part of Worthen and his room, though it has never been displeasing enough to interfere with the housemates' friendship with him.

"I wouldn't really say it reeks," Beem said. "It just smells kinda 'off.' It's not the kind of obvious smell where you could just tell him straight up, 'Dude, crack a window in here.'"

Though a general open-door policy exists in the house, the housemates, who generally convene in the living-room area, rarely have the need to enter each other's rooms. During each of the five known instances when one of the housemates did enter Worthen's room, however, the person emerged noting the distinct Jeff-esque scent that is unique to his personal area.

"My first guess was that it was dirty laundry, but there weren't that many dirty clothes lying around," said Cadwaler, who recently led an expedition into the room to rule out such potential smell sources as old plates of food, half-empty beer bottles and wet articles of clothing. "Maybe it could be those boxes of old comics he keeps under the bed."

Added Cadwaler: "To tell you the truth, I never used to think about the smell all that much, but now that we've started talking about it, I kind of want to know what's up with it."

Last Tuesday, during a venture into Worthen's room to look for a rubber band, Cadwaler detected a particularly strong dose of the Jeff smell coming from the vicinity of his pillow. He was unable to determine, however, whether the pillow was the source of the smell or simply a carrier.

The same question has been applied to Worthen, who, according to the housemates, showers four to five times a week but still bears the odor. "Is the smell coming from Jeff, or does Jeff smell that way because he spends time in there?" Mayhew said. "It's kind of like the chicken and the egg."

Worthen's roommates doubt that they will ever discover the cause of the scent, as all three have been reluctant to broach the subject with him. The three unanimously agreed, however, that the smell is "more weird than bad" and ultimately "no real biggie."

Said Mayhew: "You know how sometimes a dog smells like a dog, and it's not actually bad that it smells that way, but you just sort of notice it and think, 'Oh, there's that dog smell'? Well, that's kinda how it is with Jeff."

Argh! Apartment-Hunting!

There's a reason why it's called apartment "hunting." You just want to find these places and put them out of their decrepid misery! Well, I've been in NYC now for a week and I still haven't a place that isn't a couch with a board under the cushion for support. Lots of email messages and log-ins to craigslist, but nothing---though I am in the running for this one place in Manhattan where in exhange for a room that will be mine, I will have to walk a bunch of dogs. I'll get back to you all about this. I'm gonna hang out with "Ken" tomorrow night and I'm getting details. Hopefully, I won't be "barking" up the wrong tree! Haha!
Last week I got invited to an open house for an opening in a loft in Williamsburg (home of the floppy-haired hipsters and their girlfriends with bangs). Truly, it was a remarkable space. High-vaulted ceilings, exposed brick, utilities all paid, dsl and cable tv, cool artistic roomies, as well as being extremely affordable, I wasn't the only one to think so, as 65 other guys showed up! I swear, all they needed were a bunch of cameras set up and it could have been some stupid reality tv show with all us guys pseudo-partying and vying for the attention of our possible future roommates! And somehow, I got the call-back the next day! I took the train there again that night, but when I got off I saw this other guy getting off too, and I was like, Oh-shit. This guy, I suddenly realized, was my competition for the finale of this production. His name was Blake---tall, mild-mannered, floppy-haired, and most importantly, the inventor of FloCabulary! I had a sinking feeling and wanted to cross the street, but he seemed lost and I kinda waved at him which way to go. So we both got there at the same time---instant comparison. We all reintroduced ourselves and my doom began. Blake is from Boston. Blake is also from San Francisco. I'm from Beaver Dam, in Wisconsin. Blake goes to high schools selling his FloCabulary. Flocabulary, you ask? It's a program he developed that teaches high-school students SAT terminology through the use of HIP-HOP. MTV News filmed him that day at one of his sessions. Ugh! Well, after his pitch, things kinda broke up and we all left. I never heard from the room-mate seekers again, as I'm sure they're so blessed to be with Blake! I guess I would have picked him over me too. Sigh!

Me and Two Bags: NYC !

I'm now blogging within the glorified halls of the esteemed Brooklyn Public Library. God (or whatever) Bless free Wi-Fi!! The last couple of days have kept me busy and jam-packed (just like my afforementioned luggage!). Taking the train here, meeting up with Todd and Carol (my old flat-mates at the MMBT in Madison) here in Prospect Heights, looking for apartments (maybe in Prospect Heights?), and everything else. What a whirlwind, I haven't had blog access up until now--- the catching up of my story now seems a little daunting. Maybe I'll just dish it out here and there as random thoughts amongst everything else.
First of all, the guy in front of my on the Amtrak had some god-awful stinking foot odor problem. P.U.! A pungent mash-up of dog's breath and cold pea-soup. Thanks, smelly foot dude for giving me something to remember about my trip here. Hope you got to your tourist spots and to the corner drugstore to buy some ODOR-EATERS!

Music I listened to on the train ride (my iTunes thanks Limewire and the CD burner!):

America's Greatest Hits (through the darkness of Ohio)
Madonna's You Can Dance album coming into NYC (quite inspirational and positive about getting up and doing something)
and a little dashing of the Go Team! amongst all my favorite downloadables.

Protagonist

I just spent a couple days with my sister Cari and her family up in the forests near Escanaba (raging metropolis of 15,000 in the upper peninsula in Michigan). I drove up to see them before I head out on my big move to NYC. Anyway, on the road, I drifted into thought and I was thinking about my last post and how I used the term "primary character", which is fine and all; but, I really wanted to say "protagonist." Duh! I couldn't think of the darn word---it's one of those things! You know a word or a fact or whatever, but because of some little glitch in the brain it simply can not be recovered! ARGH! I swear I spent about an hour thinking of some word that started with "pr". Miles of highway, beautiful autumnal colors, the driver in front of me meant nothing while I ransacked my brain for this precious precious word. Then, finally, after I drove out of a town that may have been Oconto (remember, I wasn't paying attention) a-ha! "PROTAGONIST"! Hey, I knew I knew that word! Now the world is better for it and I still have the appearance of my sanity.
I've got a bit more to say, but I gotta head out so I can get to my dad's and watch the fresh new episode of "Smallville."

I have just given birth to a...blog!

Hello Dear Reader,
It is with both enthusiasm and trepidation that I have just started taking keyboard in hand to inform you all of my thoughts, actions, and whims. Hopefully, I will be able to entertain you as you lurk into (of all people) my life. May you drench yourself in the affairs of my life, but mercifully, never to the point of satiation. Please come back more and more and often as I dish out the dirt on me. May I be a colorfully unforgettable primary character in this blog adventure!
Love and Smoochies,
Jeffrey P. Worthen